As Christians, we frequently overlook the variations between therapeutic and reconciliation, particularly when coping with a narcissistic member of the family. This presents a specific downside through the fall and winter vacation seasons—significantly Thanksgiving and Christmas when households get collectively.
Narcissists—particularly scientific narcissists identified with Narcissistic Character Dysfunction (NPD)—usually thrive off exploiting weaknesses. Sure, they want our prayers. However they may additionally use our distance, so they can not have extra gasoline for his or her hearth.
In at this time’s article, we’ll discover what the Bible says about narcissism, what it’s precisely (what to search for), and learn how to cope with it throughout the household unit.
What Are the Indicators of Narcissism?
The time period “narcissist” sadly will get overused today. We are likely to attribute the time period to anybody who occurs to deal with us unfairly or acts selfishly.
We do have to contemplate the distinction between narcissistic tendencies and clinically identified NPD.
We might cope with a member of the family who exhibits tendencies however not the scientific model of narcissism.
And as many people will not be clinicians, we can’t correctly diagnose a member of the family. This may make this a more durable activity, as many individuals with NPD usually refuse to get identified—and I say this after consulting a member of the family who’s a counselor. She usually says that the narcissist’s victims will go to remedy, not the perpetrators.
Along with suggesting you learn Chuck DeGroat’s wonderful e-book When Narcissism Involves Church; listed below are some psychological indicators somebody might lean towards NPD (or at the least present NPD tendencies).
A Narcissist Must Be the Heart of Consideration
These with NPD are likely to have a really excessive view of themselves. They could usually see themselves because the “foremost character” within the narrative and everybody else as supporting roles.
They usually see their achievements as grand and count on issues to be handed to them—even when they didn’t earn mentioned privileges. They need others to see themselves in the identical means they understand themselves. And in the event you don’t, hoo-boy, they’ll make sure you face the results.
Of their minds, they will do no improper. In a state of affairs the place they have been at fault, they’ll have one million excuses for why they have been proper, and also you have been the one responsible. They have an inclination to have simply bruised egos, usually rooted in childhood trauma. They’ve a really onerous time getting rejected.
And they’re going to usually flip fiery in the event you criticize them.
A Narcissist Exploits Weaknesses
They are going to analyze you and know what makes you tick. They’ve their ammo loaded with all of your previous errors, all of the belongings you really feel insecure about—and the second you criticize them, they’ll flip the dialog onto you.
Along with a excessive view of themselves, these with NPD are likely to have a really set thought of who they’re. If you’re somebody they romantically love, they’ll inflate their thought of you of their minds.
When you don’t meet their expectations, they’ll react. They are going to attempt to steer you again to the picture that they had of you, and this usually occurs by means of placing you down or highlighting your flaws.
Generally, these with NPD don’t even understand they do that, however usually, they’re grasp manipulators.
A Narcissist Shows a Lack of Empathy
These with NPD are likely to lack empathy. They can not place themselves into the sneakers of others, and after they have wounded somebody, they won’t really feel guilt for doing so.
This proves particularly troublesome as a result of these with NPD are likely to latch onto folks with nice empathy. Individuals with compassionate, servant-led hearts. As a result of within the thoughts of somebody with NPD, this particular person is simple to govern, drain, benefit from, and criticize after they’ve lowered this particular person to a husk of their former self.
We may go on concerning the signs of NPD. Whole books have coated the topic. However for the sake of time, let’s discover the subsequent query. Does the Bible have something to say about this?
What Does the Bible Say about Narcissism?
NPD is a psychological situation, with the time period developed by trendy psychological well being consultants. Consequently, folks didn’t have this specific phrase for the habits in biblical instances.
We may actually level out a number of folks within the Bible who lacked empathy, had a way of excessive significance, and exploited others for his or her achieve. Nonetheless, we don’t have any verses that say, “King Ahab clearly had diagnosable NPD.”
So, does the Bible have any verses about narcissistic habits that we are able to look to?
In fact, loads of Scriptures discuss concerning the signs listed above.
-We see loads of verses about boastful folks (Proverbs 8:13).
-About how God hates when folks exploit others for achieve (Proverbs 22:16).
-About how God hates pleasure (Proverbs 16:5).
-About how those that hate correction fall into folly (Proverbs 12:1).
The Bible clarifies that Christians shouldn’t grasp round somebody with these traits for prolonged durations. In any case, dangerous firm corrupts good character. So, how can we deal with the state of affairs when a member of the family has NPD?
In any case, we are able to’t at all times extricate ourselves fully from the state of affairs—particularly if we stay with or are married to them.
So, how can we biblically cope with narcissistic relations?
How Do You Cope with Narcissistic Household Members?
This may differ primarily based on the character of your relationship. When you see this member of the family every year through the holidays, you should have a unique means of tackling the problem than in the event you stay with that member of the family.
1: Pray for Them
To get private, I do have some relations who I might say fall beneath the class of diagnosable NPD. I’ll depart it at that as a result of I worry one will discover this text and use it as ammo in opposition to me.
When you see a member of the family displaying traits like this, pray for his or her coronary heart and thoughts. I’ve seen a world of distinction in a single after I handed this member of the family over to God and set some agency boundaries. Talking of…
2: Set Agency Boundaries
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Narcissists hate boundaries. Boundaries drive them to be ready the place they can not benefit from you or exploit you. So it is going to take a while to make this work. It’s possible you’ll want others’ assist—for instance, if you already know the narcissistic member of the family likes to use you at vacation conferences, discuss together with your partner or a member of the family you belief about good methods.
Be ready for the member of the family to mow down any limitations you’ve gotten arrange and repeatedly cross traces when you’ve gotten let your guard down. They could throw a tantrum concerning the boundaries you identify however don’t be deterred. Protect your psychological well being in addition to your religious well being.
Associated: 5 Boundaries to Put in Place Earlier than Vacation Gatherings
3: Search Skilled Assist
You’ll have a really onerous time getting a narcissistic member of the family into remedy. Even when they don’t assume you wish to diagnose them with NPD, they’ll hate the concept of {couples} remedy or household remedy.
On the very least, head to a therapist in your personal wants. They offers you the instruments to determine these boundaries and enable you understand that “no, you aren’t loopy.”
Narcissists like to gaslight and make you query actuality till you bow right down to their desires and wishes.
4: Restrict Time When Doable
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When you’ve married a narcissist, you can’t do that.
However in case you have a member of the family you see possibly as soon as per week or much less, restrict your time. For instance, you could select solely to see them through the holidays.
Relying on your loved ones state of affairs, you might be able to discuss with different relations concerning the narcissistic habits and restrict the member of the family from attending vacation capabilities. Since household vacation time is valuable, establishing this boundary is hard. Often, you’ll be able to solely hold the narcissistic household out of household capabilities if:
-You’re the one internet hosting (and due to this fact have management over who enters your home)
-Different relations have seen the tantrums or controlling habits
-You discover a clear technique to talk that boundaries matter for the entire household (narcissistic relations hurt the entire household system)
-Different relations see you as a reliable particular person (somebody who wouldn’t name a member of the family narcissistic for egocentric causes)
When you’ve got no means to maintain the narcissistic member of the family from attending a household operate, you’ve gotten different choices. For instance, you could determine to not attend common household capabilities that the narcissistic member of the family hosts. It’s possible you’ll determine you received’t attend household vacation occasions if the household meets on the narcissistic member of the family’s home.
When it’s important to see the narcissistic member of the family—on the holidays or different household occasions—restrict the ammo you give them.
Thoughts the phrases you feed them and the knowledge they search from you.
A narcissist tends to cling to at least one particular person. Somebody that they use, and after they haven’t any extra use for them, they search to wound them. Extricate your self as a lot as doable from the state of affairs so that they haven’t any extra ammo to steal from you.
I do know this usually appears simpler mentioned than executed. Once you hang around with this member of the family, carry one other member of the family with you. So you’ve gotten somebody to floor you in actuality and defend you after they assault you.
I deeply know the difficulties of dealing with a narcissist, and I pray for you as you deal with this.
Particularly since folks with NDP are hardly ever repentant, relationships usually don’t expertise true therapeutic. It’s possible you’ll forgive them (letting go of the anger) however by no means reconcile (fully trusting) with them.
Pray for his or her hearts that they might expertise life-changing transformation by means of Jesus, and thoughts your coronary heart and head. Your well being issues.
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Hope Bolinger is an acquisitions editor at Finish Sport Press, e-book editor for rent, and the creator of just about 30 books. Greater than 1500 of her works have been featured in numerous publications. Try her books at hopebolinger.com for clear books in most genres, nice for adults and children. Try her enhancing profile at Reedsy.com to search out out about hiring her in your subsequent e-book venture.
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